Scoliosis & back pain

After Eva was born (2010) my back pain never went away, whilst pregnant I was regularly in tears struggling up the stairs into our flat, attempting to walk to the shop and was convinced it was due to the extra weight.

Early on in 2012 I was diagnosed with Scoliosis and narrowed disc space between L4-L5, very little was explained to me other than it was a curve in my spine & the narrow disc space was most likely the beginning of DDD (Degenerative disc disease), I was referred to physio which after a while I couldn’t afford to get to and my Gp at the time just prescribed a few boxes of diclofenac and left me to it.

I generally try to stay away from doctor’s so as not to waste their time and prevent those who genuinely need appointments struggling to get one so I decided to stop going to see him when I was in pain. Since then my pain has worsened, my lower back is agony most days, my shoulders ache, on a really bad day I can barely move without wanting to scream and cry! Obviously having another baby would have put pressure on my spine so I expected to have a few bad days whilst my body returned back to normal.

Since christmas the pain has got a lot worse to the point I have actually cried quite a few times instead of just wanting to. Over the past month or so my left leg has felt numb up top but I feel shooting pains from my knee’s downwards. Walking a 3 minute walk home during my work experience one day I was in so much pain I walked through the door crying and broke down. My Mr had been on at me to go back to the Dr’s and find out what was going and see if anything had progressed and what I can do to help ease and prevent the pain.

After struggling for another week I knew I had to admit it wasn’t just going to go away and having two little girls to look after I need to be fit and healthy and able to play so I booked in at the Dr’s. My surgery is a walk in centre so I had an emergency appointment on a bad day, I was seen by a Locum who prescribed me some co-codamol (only after I almost begged in tears for something just on the bad days) sent me for an x-ray and booked me in to see a Dr to review the results.

I went back thursday just gone and I saw the same Locum who was covering for the Dr, She said the report states my spine is twisted, she went on to look at my back getting me to bend over etc and decided to refer me to physio again which I am grateful for but Im still pretty clueless as to how bad my spine is, how to manage the pain etc and even after I explained I knew very little but was worried that for a few days before I had some chest pains on the left side each time I breath in, the pain was so bad I couldnt get comfy enough to sleep for hours, if I turned certain way’s it literally felt like my ribs were on top of each other, similar to when you cross your fingers, she didnt have much to say and seemed to just want me back out the door so I left thinking maybe its not that bad at all, perhaps I was just over-reacting to the pain.

When I told my Mr what had happened he was fuming, he took me back to the surgery, explained the situation to the receptionist and asked for the x-ray report to be reviewed with a proper Dr who could explain in more detail what was going on and refer me to some kind of spinal specialist who can monitor the problems and a referral for a pain management clinic. After having a look on the NHS website it seems these are actually the first steps to be taken after a Scoliosis diagnosis!

Im still worried I wont be taken seriously, I do feel being so young they probably think im playing on it so the Mr has said he will come with me this time and make sure things are done properly. Part of me is dreading it if I am honest, what if it’s worse than I first thought? Or maybe it really isn’t that bad and Im a wimp and wasting their time when someone else who might desperately neef am appointment can’t get one? At the same time Im hopeful that I might finally have some answers after 5 years of wondering what this all means, Im hoping that somehow I can find a way to control the pain and carry on with day to day life as normal.

I am dying to get into the working world and don’t want any of this holding me back either! I want to get things under control, I want my life back, Im sick of struggling to move, snapping at people when Im in pain, missing out on things with the girls!

I’ve just realised this post has become a bit depressing so I think I will stop here for now. I just needed to share this somewhere as I feel Im always moaning about the pain and dont want to annoy everyone with it. I know there are people suffering a lot more than I am and that I am extremely lucky for all I have!

Work experience

I left college at 18 after miscarrying my first baby (I previously posted about it before I wiped my blog and Im sure I will write about it again at some point) and since then Ive been in 2 refuge’s and then moved in with my Mr after finding out we were expecting Eva. I have been a SAHM ever since which is lovely, I absolutely adore spending time with my girls (although stressful at times!) but I would love to get out there and work, meet new people and be a good role model for my daughters.

As the Mr lost his job just after finding out I was pregnant and he hasn’t managed to find a job yet we decided between us that I would claim JSA for us and get as much support as I can to get into work and find the career for me. After applying for jobs and constantly being turned down I applied for an apprenticeship which I did at least get an interview for. I didnt make it through due to ‘lack of experience’ which is quite possibly THE most frustrating part of trying to find work. After moaning at my local JCP that I wasn’t getting anywhere they offered to have me do some work experience with them.

I spent 5 weeks there, front of house mainly and assisting in any way I could and I actually surprised myself!
I’ve always has low self-esteem and confidence which makes it so hard to talk to new people. Id literally end up in tears trying to talk to people that I had to let alone attempt to strike up a conversation in person myself!

I somehow managed to become friends with the other woman doing work experience there and had quite a laugh with a few members kf staff and day by day I could feel my confidence growing. I was shocked after a few days, walking home I realised I had spent the entire day talking to complete strangers, helping them fill out forms, use the computers, pass them on to experienced staff etc without panicking in the slightest!

I quickly learnt that I am still pretty damn good with computers, especially data entry, and finding solutions to problems. It’s helped me realise an office job even if customer facing would suit me very well. I recieved a certificate at the end which I have of course added to my CV but again im getting nowhere with my applications so when I went to sign on I had a chat with my work coach who is a lovely lady and after explaining that although I now have some experience at least, I think that my lack of relevant qualifications may be what is holding me back, so she booked me in with gotrain for an introduction to see which courses they have available that should help me get where I want to be. (Fingers crossed!)

I always thought Id either go into childcare or some kind of ICT but lacked the confidence to really try and get into it, childcare can take a backseat for now at least as I think I have enough experience of that at home! Im definately wanting to go down the office/admin/data entry/receptionist route and I am so glad I finally have a strong idea of where I want to be career wise! I want nothing more than to be able to help support our family and show my daughters that even a mother with no experience can build a career around their family.

I seriously suggest to anyone out there struggling to find work to offer companies a few weeks of your time to gain some experience, you may love it, you may also hate it but if your feeling a bit lost and have no idea what to do then what do you lose? If anything you can rule out jobs you thought you may enjoy and learn what would be more suitable for you too!

Im looking forward to my intro at the end of april and feeling much more positive about myself and that I will have a career in the very near future!

Isobella Fae

So I mentioned in previous posts (a good few months ago… Oops!!) That we have a new addition to our crazy little family.

I would like to introduce you all to my second beautiful daughter, Isobella Fae.

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Izzy was born surprisingly on her due date! August 6th 2014 at 1.46pm weighing in at 6lb 3oz after a much shorter labour than I had anticipated.

After my eldest daughter Eva being born slightly premature, delivered by c-section, I was terrified things would go wrong again so I was extremely relieved Izzy made it to her due date and I got to finally experience labour (even if it is bloody painful!). I woke at 5am in pain having what I thought were contractions but as I was unsure I decided to ride it out until my 9am appointment with the midwife for a sweep. By the time I got there the contractions were getting stronger and more regular, I walked into the room and she immediately told me a sweep was pointless and to get to the hospital asap and she would phone to let them know I was on my way.

I was in agony but on the way back I stopped at the cashpoint and then at my local corner shop where I scared the guy behind the counter having contractions yet still making sure I bought Eva her kinderegg as promised so I didnt let her down, haha!

After the shop my friend slim met me halfway to make sure I got home safely whilst waiting for my friend chaz to come and take us to the hospital and he looked absolutely petrified, constantly asking me what he could do, I just kept telling him to keep it together and walk!

I made it home, packed up Eva’s bag to go stay at a friends while we were at the hospital and off we went. We got to the hospital around 10.30am where I had gas and airbto start with but the pain got so awful I couldnt cope and agreed to have diamorphine. I wish I hadnt as I hated the fact I missed out on so much drifting in and out if Im honest but by the end I was glad I had agreed as it turned out she was back to back! I had to have my waters popped but within 16 minutes of pushing Izzy made her appearance.

I was so amazed at how perfect she was, she seemed so tiny yet so big compared to Eva as  a newborn (4lb 14oz) and the amount of hair shocked us all!

She is now almost 8 months old and chunked up a fair bit! She was weighed last wednesday and was 22lb 3oz!!! She cut her first tooth this week (bottom right) and is showing signs of being on the move :)

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Izzy amazes me with her personality, she is cheeky and most definately has a great sense of humour, she is also an extremely loving girl which has turned me even soppier if im honest! She adores her big sister so much and Eva loves her too, they make me melt daily!

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With the help of the lovely ladies in thr due date group I joined on facebook the last 8 months have been a lot easier than I imagined, even with its challenges and now I feel I am slowly getting back to having time to myself to be able to post again and share our crazy life :) I hope you will be back to read more soon!

It’s been a while!

I know, I know I am absolutely awful at this blogging business.

I’ll be honest I got side tracked! As I mentioned previously, I have a new little person in my life who loves to spend lots of time keeping mummy occupied, naturally!
Whilst pregnant I joined a facebook due date group which I also spent hours upon hours reading posts, commenting, posting pictures and updates etc, add on school run & housework and the blog fell to the back of my mind again.

Im hoping to keep on top this time, get in touch with some of the bloggers I used to chat to & remind a few that their support, oh so long ago still remains fresh in my memory!

I apolagise in advance as I have a few posts Id like to share, so there may be a little bit of post spamming! (Sorrryyyy *blows kisses*)

My next post will of course be introducing you all to my newest addition :)

Thanks for reading 

Doing what seems like nothing…

Ever get those days where it feels like your constantly busy yet when someone asks what you have done all day you reply ‘Nothing’?

At the moment Im back at this stage, I remember going through the same when Eva was a baby. When you have a newborn almost every second of the day is filled yet it doesnt feel like you have achieved a thing.

You can ask a friend what they have done all day, you may get the typical answers, work, shopping, housework etc But then you get asked and look back on your day and struggle to find anything you can say you have done. It’s easy enough to list everything you haven’t got round to doing but not what you have done.

A typical day with a newborn goes something like this…
Wake up, Change baby, Feed baby, Burp baby, Change baby again, Cuddle baby, Attempt to get baby to sleep, Replace fallen dummy every 2 minutes, Attempt a dash to the loo for a much needed wee (Remember ladies this is why we need to do our pelvic floor exercises ;) ). Try settling baby again as they sensed you left the room and needed a wee and woke back up and got worked up. Tip toe backwards quietly in the hope baby doesnt wake up again. Sneak off to try and get some breakfast, manage to get a cuppa made and a bowl of cereal ready to eat, lift your spoon then immediately dash back to a screaming baby, calm baby, change baby, get them dressed, feed baby, burp baby, change both yours and babies clothing as its almost time to go out so baby has of course sensed this and been sick and/or pee’d/poo’d over you both.

Now if your lucky you are dressed in whatever fell out of the wardrobe/you found on the floor that doesnt smell like sick and your hair will be pushed back and chucked up in a messy ponytail/bun (No its not that ‘casual messy’ fashion statement look its that ‘im lucky if my hair has seen a hairbrush in the past week’ kinda look). Its almost midday and you hoped to be out the door 2 hours ago but your starting to feel like your getting close to being able to leave at least so you start getting the changing bag ready.

Baby wakes up screaming, change baby, feed baby, burp baby. Struggle to get baby into buggy long enough for you to find your shoes. Change babies clothes and wipe down the buggy as baby has been sick everywhere. Feed baby again, burp again, decide as its now nearly 2pm you may aswell give up and struggle back into your pjs with just one hand while holding the baby as they refuse to be put down and your head is likely to explode if you hear baby screaming for even another second!

So you’ve just spent a good 6-8 hours doing pretty much the same thing on repeat. A friend turns up and tells you how they have done all their housework (whilst looking around your pigsty shaking their head) been shopping and had a lovely lunch at the cafe (while your still wondering if its too late to finish that ice cold cuppa and soggy bowl of cereal on the side) then thought they would come keep you company as you must be ‘bored’ stuck indoors doing nothing’ all day.

This stage really got to me with Eva, I felt like I was lazy because the housework wasnt done, the shopping hadnt been done, i hadnt left the house in days while the Mr went to work. He would come back telling me all about his day, the different people he had met, the conversations he had had… Then when he asked me Id say ‘nothing’ because other than feeding and changing Eva I hadnt really done anything else, it doesnt mean I had sat there watching TV or sleeping all day but thats how it seemed to come across.

Somehow this time I am managing to squeeze in getting Eva up and ready for school in the mornings (Luckily after seeing what a struggle it was getting me and both girls ready in the morning the Mr took over the morning school run) a little bit of housework or the odd bit of shopping and picking Eva up every day. Yet it still feels like I’m doing ‘nothing’ most days!

So after sitting there thinking about what I can do to either change how I feel about my days or work out a way to squeeze some stuff in I remembered the book I got when Eva was little. I found it such a big help, I would read a few pages whilst feeding and slowly I stopped feeling quite so ‘lazy’. So for any of you mum’s out there feeling the same please, please look for a book called ‘What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing’ by Naomi Stadlen. I’m so glad I kept my copy and will be picking it back up for a reread later today :)

Restarting…

So I gave up blogging. As we all do at times. A lot of crazy stuff has gone on over the last year since I decided to delete everything and abandon the blog.

Last time I was here, everyday I was moaning about everything, we were in an unsafe property struggling to get the landlord to carry out the repairs that should have been done before he even considered allowing a family to live in it, money was ridiculously tight after both private rented places screwed us over financially and left us in debt, my other half lost his job for taking time off with cracked ribs and I was generally depressed.

So whats happened in that year? Well we moved (thank god!) to a council flat, thats much safer and cheaper to run. Eva started nursery last september and has just started in reception last week, today is her first full day!

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Oh and I have a new little person in my life…

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Isobella was born August 6th 2014 weighing 6lb 3oz. Born on her due date and naturally! (Im sure I will fill you all in on another post)

Eva has taken to being a big sister amazingly and is such a great little helper (most of the time). She has grown up so much the last few months its crazy.

Things are still a bit up and down… (Lifes never perfect aye!) But Im coping, Im coping better than I think I have for a while now :)

So Ive been gone a while and I havent even stalked the people i used to yet ;) (dont worry i will) so feel free to leave a link to your blog for me to check out while I get back into the swing of things! I’ve got a lot to do to get the blog looking the way I want again but I guess thats part of the fun, not to mention my own fault for deleting every single post (oopsy!).